#029 Oh, So You Want to Raise a Criminal? Here’s Your 5-Step Parenting Plan

Good news! Raising a completely self-absorbed, boundary-free, consequence-dodging adult is actually really easy. No advanced degrees required. Just skip a few key parenting basics—like responsibility, boundaries, and contribution—and you’ll be well on your way to raising someone who thinks laws are suggestions and teamwork is for suckers.

Here’s your foolproof, sarcasm-soaked guide to parenting that guarantees your child will have no sense of limits, accountability, or drive.

Step 1: Absolutely No Household Contributions

Motto: “Let kids be kids!”

Chores? Teamwork? Pitching in? Not in this house.
Just let your child watch you do everything while they scroll, snack, and lounge.
That way, they'll grow up believing adulthood works exactly the same way—and they'll be very confused (and angry!) when no one else wants to do their laundry for them.

Step 2: Goals Are Overrated

Motto: “They’ll figure it out eventually.”

Don’t bother teaching your child how to aim at something and hit it.
Forget talking about dreams, plans, or any of that “effort” stuff.
If they have no direction, they’ll have no disappointment!
Also, no resilience, no self-discipline, and definitely no idea what to do when life gets hard.

Step 3: Give, Give, Give… And Then Give Some More

Motto: “Anything for my baby!”

Be sure to never, ever say no.
Let them believe that love = stuff, and that anything they want should appear without effort.
By doing everything for them, you’re helping build a rock-solid belief that the world owes them something.
Spoiler: it doesn’t. And it won’t.

Step 4: Boundaries Are Just Suggestions

Motto: “They didn’t mean it.”

When your child breaks a rule, look the other way.
Or better yet—laugh it off!
Let them negotiate every consequence and challenge every “no.”
Soon, they’ll learn how to manipulate any system, avoid accountability, and charm their way out of trouble.
Congratulations, you're building a future master of chaos.

Step 5: Put Yourself on the Bottom of the Family Ladder

Motto: “As long as they’re happy…”

Never model self-respect or balance.
Always sacrifice your needs.
Forget teaching them how to consider others—just let them believe the world should revolve around them.
Eventually, they'll carry that worldview into every relationship they have. Good luck to their future spouse!

Let’s Be Real…

We’re kidding. But only kind of.

Because if we’re being honest…
this is the real parenting style a lot of modern culture is pushing.

We’re not giving our kids the tools they need—we’re giving them comfort without contribution, options without expectations, and love without leadership.

And it’s not working.

So What’s the Alternative?

It’s not about being harsh.
It’s about being structured.

✔️ Teaching your kids that chores are how we serve our team
✔️ Setting goals so they learn to aim and achieve
✔️ Holding boundaries that keep everyone safe and respected
✔️ Modeling a family where mom and dad matter too

That’s not punishment—it’s preparation.

It’s the Create Family way.

Want to Raise a Capable, Confident, Contributing Adult?

Download my free ebook:

How to Create Family: The 3 Strategies to Build a Stronger Home

And if you’re ready to go deeper, join the Create Family Community—you’ll find the link right next to this blog. We’re building families with strategy, not scripts. With strength, not stress.

There’s no one-size-fits-all in parenting. But there is a difference between love that leads… and love that enables.
Let’s raise kids who respect boundaries, understand contribution, and step into the world prepared.

Your family deserves that.
And you’re the one who can make it happen.