#059 Define the Endgame Before You Parent the Moment

When you're raising a teen, the daily moments can feel so big.

The eye roll. The bad grade. The pushback. The breakup.
One wrong word from them and you feel like your whole day is off course.

And when you’re in those moments, it’s easy to slip into reacting, managing, or even just surviving.

But here’s the truth. You weren’t meant to parent the moment.
You were meant to lead toward the outcome.

That’s why the most important question you can ask yourself is this:

What kind of adult am I raising?

Because if you don’t define the endgame, you will default to parenting whatever emotion shows up that day.
And that’s not leadership. That’s just management.

My Personal Endgame

I didn’t just want “good kids.”
I wanted to raise ethical, contributing adults who were succeeding in their goals with drive, persistence, and knowledge.

Not just kids who stayed out of trouble.
Not just kids who made it through high school.

I wanted to raise humans who knew how to think, how to work, and how to live out their values.

So every decision I made—every boundary, every tough conversation, every course correction—came from that vision.
Not from what made me look like a “good mom” in the moment.
Not from what other people thought I should do.
But from what I was building long-term.

Why Most Moms Don’t Name It

A lot of moms never take time to define the endgame.
Not because they don’t care, but because no one ever told them that was the job.

Parenting becomes a loop of fire drills.
Fix the fight. Solve the problem. Prevent the next one.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, you start to lose your own sense of direction.

But without a destination, even your best intentions can drift.

You can hold every value in the world, but if you don’t name where you’re going, you won’t get there on purpose.

What Happens When You Name It

The moment you name what kind of adult you’re raising, everything changes.

You stop overreacting to the noise.
You stop parenting for performance.
You start leading with purpose.

Suddenly, the C on the math test isn’t a crisis.
It’s a chance to teach accountability and self-evaluation.

The moment of defiance isn’t personal.
It’s an opportunity to reinforce boundaries and integrity.

The emotional outburst isn’t a breakdown.
It’s a growth moment for both of you.

This is what it means to parent with the end in mind.
Not to be rigid or perfect, but to stay anchored while the storm passes.

One Tip for Today:

Write down the kind of adult you want your teen to become.

Not a label. A description.
What kind of character do you want them to have?
What habits? What mindset? What values?

Don’t write what you think you’re supposed to say.
Write what you actually want.

You can share it with your spouse or keep it for yourself. But let it guide your next parenting decision.

Want to lead your family with confidence, not just react to what’s happening today?
Grab our free guide: “The Confidence Bank: How to Build It, How to Use It, and Why Your Kids Need One”
You’ll learn how to build long-term trust and emotional stability in your child so they develop real confidence from the inside out.
And if you're looking for a place to connect with moms who are parenting with purpose, check out the Create Family Community. You’ll find the link next to this blog.