#056 How to Raise an Independent Kid

Raising Independent Kids Starts Sooner Than You Think

Let’s talk about one of the biggest unspoken goals every parent has: raising an independent child.

We might say we want our kids to be happy, successful, or kind. But behind all of it is the hope that one day they’ll leave home ready to take care of themselves, contribute to the world, and thrive without us holding their hand.

And the truth? Every child wants that too.

From the moment they can say, “I do it myself,” your child is already striving for independence. It’s wired into them. But whether they succeed depends on what we do with that drive.

The Common Mistakes That Get in the Way

Most parents genuinely want to raise independent kids, but I’ve seen the same mistakes over and over again that cause that dream to fall apart.

1. Connection time goes out the window

We hand over screens, rush through the days, and assume time together will “just happen.” But connection is the foundation for healthy independence. Kids need a strong anchor before they can confidently sail out.

2. Confidence isn’t built

Instead of helping kids gain abilities, we rescue them, overpraise them, or expect perfection. Confidence doesn’t come from words. It comes from doing. From struggling, learning, improving, and seeing, “I did that.”

3. No concept of creating value

This one is the kicker. A lot of kids grow up thinking things just show up. The fridge fills itself, money is magic, and life is something done for you, not by you. But true independence comes from understanding exchange: I create something of value, and I receive something in return. Whether it’s helping in the home, building a skill, or running a lemonade stand, this is where freedom is earned.

What Independence Really Means

It’s not about letting them do everything on their own. It’s about teaching them how to do things on their own and giving them the space, structure, and support to practice.

It’s built in the kitchen while they scramble their own eggs.

It’s built in the family while they help with chores and contribute to team goals.

It’s built when they get to make small decisions now so they’re ready for the big ones later.

And it’s built when we let go of doing everything for them and instead teach them what it means to create something that matters.

Want to Raise an Independent Child?

Start with connection. Make it deliberate. Create structured time that gives your child space to lead while you listen.

Build confidence. Not with empty praise, but by helping them gain real abilities they can be proud of.

And teach value. Show them how contribution leads to reward, how effort creates results, and how they are capable of producing something meaningful.

Independence doesn’t suddenly show up at age 18.
It’s built, moment by moment, in the everyday systems of your home.

When you combine connection, confidence, and contribution, you’re not just preparing your child to leave one day.

You’re equipping them to thrive when they do.