#046 “I’ll Just Do It Myself”: Why That Mindset Is Failing Our Kids

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “It’s just easier if I do it myself…”?

You’re not alone.

So many moms reach that tipping point where the effort to get help feels harder than doing the chore solo. The eye rolls. The delays. The arguments. Who has the energy?

But here’s the truth: what feels easier in the moment creates a pattern that’s much harder to undo later.

We don’t always realize it right away, but when we take on everything ourselves, we send a silent message—“I’ve got it. You don’t need to contribute.”
And over time, that message sticks.

At first, it’s just the toddler who doesn’t pick up their toys.

Then it’s the tween who never clears their plate.

Then it’s the teenager who resents being asked to do anything at all.

It becomes a battle, not because they’re unwilling—but because they were never trained to see themselves as a contributing part of the family team.

The good news? You can reset this. No matter how old your kids are.

Start with honesty.

Let your child know, in simple language, that you made a mistake. That you haven’t been asking for their help—not because you didn’t want them to, but because you got caught in the habit of doing it all.

That simple admission—"I should’ve included you more"—can soften the resistance. It shows leadership and maturity. And it models what taking responsibility looks like.

You can even say:

"I’ve realized I stopped giving you the chance to help, and that wasn’t fair to you or the family. We’re going to start doing things differently."

Shift your mindset to long-term training.

This isn’t just about getting dishes done—it’s about preparing your child to become an adult.

You will hit resistance, especially if you’re undoing years of habits.

But stay steady. Let them know that privileges and freedom come after responsibilities are met—not as a punishment, but as part of growing up.

Instead of:
"If you don’t do the dishes, you’re not going out."

Try:
"Let me know when the dishes are done and then you can head out."

Same message, different tone. One builds resentment. The other builds ownership.

Make it part of your family culture—not a chore chart war.

Here are a few everyday places to build contribution and teamwork without turning it into a standoff:

Family Dinners

Make meal prep and cleanup a shared responsibility.
One sets the table, one helps cook, one clears the dishes. This isn’t just about food—it’s about connection and shared purpose.

Game Nights

Even fun can have structure.
Let someone prep the snacks, someone else grab the game, and someone set up the table. Working together to create fun is a skill in itself.

Weekend Outings

Going to the park or zoo? Let each child grab what’s needed: water bottles, jackets, leashes, doggy bags. Contribution doesn’t always look like cleaning—it can be prepping for fun.

Weekday Hooky Days

Yes, I said it. Plan a surprise day off with one of your kids. It feels a little rebellious (which they love), but it also gives you one-on-one time to connect. Let them help plan or prep for it—it’s a memory in the making.

This is what building a family team looks like. Not perfection. Not constant cooperation.

But consistent leadership that calls your children into contribution and connection.

And it starts with a decision:

I’m not doing this all alone anymore.
Not because I can’t—but because I’m raising adults, not dependents.

You’ve got what it takes.

And your family is ready for it.

Tired of losing your 💩 just to get your kids to help out?

Grab our free guide:

“Why Do I Have to Lose My 💩 to Get My Kids to Listen to Me?” and start shifting the dynamic in your home—without yelling, bribing, or begging.

And if you're looking for real support from moms who get it, don’t miss the Create Family Community—you’ll find the link right next to this blog.