#015 Why Vision Comes Before Mindset in Marriage and Parenting

To build a healthy mindset as a parent, you need a clear vision of what you want your family to become. That vision becomes your why—your reason for showing up differently, listening better, and pushing through hard moments.

And if you're married or parenting with a partner, that vision has to be shared.

Our Family Vision Started with One Promise

For me, breaking the generational cycle of divorce was everything.

My children had eight grandparents due to multiple divorces. I didn’t want that to be their story. So before we even had kids, my husband and I made a decision:

Divorce would never be an option.

We gave ourselves five years of marriage before bringing children into the picture—not because it’s the “right” timeline, but because we wanted a strong foundation.

And honestly? It was still hard.

Once kids entered the picture, everything changed.

Marriage After Kids Is Different

The communication challenges surprised us.
We started arguing in ways we never had before. There were disagreements, misunderstandings, and moments we both felt stretched thin.

I never wanted our kids to hear us fight, so I’d arrange for a babysitter, and we’d go out to argue in private. (Yes, date night sometimes meant hashing things out.)

But we kept talking. We worked through it.

Because our vision was clear, even when our mindset got tired.

What Helped Us Stay Grounded

Here are the practices that helped us stay aligned—and honestly, saved our connection:

1. Active Listening

Don’t just hear—listen.
When you’re already planning your response, you’re not listening. Make space to truly understand what your spouse or child is trying to say.

Try saying:

“I hear you.”
“That makes sense.”
Avoid jumping to “but…”—it cancels what came before.

2. The Battle Is Not With Your Spouse

When things get tense, it’s easy to turn on each other. But if you remember that you’re on the same team, you’ll start looking at the real issue.

Many of our worst arguments weren’t about each other—they were about outside pressures or a lack of clear goals.

Once we started dreaming bigger as a family, the little fights lost their power.

3. Express Feelings Honestly

Encourage open emotional sharing, and model it. When someone in our family expresses how they feel, we acknowledge it—without fixing it, dismissing it, or layering it with our own emotion.

It’s simple, but powerful:

“Thanks for telling me.”
“That must be tough.”
“I’m here with you.”

4. Resolve Conflict with Full Responsibility

When we hit a wall, we ask: What can I own here?

Even if I didn’t start the issue, I can take 100% responsibility for how I respond to it—and that often invites the other person to do the same.

When no one’s waiting to be right, everyone wins.

Vision Comes First. Mindset Follows.

When you know where you're going, it’s easier to hold on to perspective during storms.
That’s what vision does—it gives your mindset direction.

And that’s why we keep coming back to our shared mission as a family. We’re not perfect—but we are strong.

Not because things are easy… but because we never let go of what we’re building.

Want a strategy that helps you and your partner stay aligned while raising strong, grounded kids?

👉 Download the free ebook: How to Create Family

It’s your first step toward building a family vision that actually works in real life.