#009 How to Restore Communication with a Rebellious Teen

Parenting is filled with challenges, but few compare to the emotional weight of watching your teen rebel—especially when it feels personal. You may be wondering:

• Why are they shutting me out?

• What happened to my child who used to open up?

• And how do I get through to them without making things worse?

Let’s start with this truth: rebellion is often an attempt to cut off authority. But beneath the defiance is usually confusion, pain, or a lost sense of connection.

This isn’t just about behavior. It’s about communication—and that’s something you can restore.

Step One: Put On Your Detective Hat

I call this the Sherlock Holmes Approach.

Start by rewinding the story. When was your child doing well? What were the conditions around that time? What routines or positive relationships were in place?

Be curious, not critical.

This isn’t about catching them in a lie—it’s about spotting the moment when something shifted.

Step Two: Consider the Trust Factor

Rebellion often signals a breakdown in trust—both ways.

You may not trust your child. They may not trust you. Or maybe both of you feel misunderstood and unheard.

Sometimes the issue is serious—like drugs, secrecy, or unsafe relationships. But even then, the goal isn’t to catch them in the act. The goal is to create a space where they can come clean without fear of being crushed.

Let them know:

“The most important thing to me is our communication. You can tell me anything.”

That doesn’t mean there are no consequences. It means you value connection more than control.

Step Three: Check Yourself Too

This part takes courage.

Are there things you said you’d do that you didn’t? Did you shut them down when they were vulnerable? Did you embarrass them or speak too harshly when emotions ran high?

It’s not about blame. It’s about leadership. And leadership often starts with accountability.

Step Four: Look Beneath the School Struggles

Sometimes the rebellion is rooted in school.

Bullying.
Failure.
A learning style mismatch.
Feeling unseen by a teacher or rejected by peers.

Before assuming they just “don’t care,” ask what’s going on behind the scenes. You may find your child isn’t defiant… they’re discouraged.

One Story That Changed My Life

Years ago, a student at my school had been expelled from multiple programs. He challenged every adult in his life, and his mom was exhausted.

One day, I was told he had climbed a tree during break and refused to come down. Instead of ordering him down, I walked outside and simply asked:

“How’s the view from up there?”

He smiled. We chatted. Then I said,

“The preschoolers are about to come out. If they see you, they’ll want to climb too—and that could be unsafe.”

That’s all it took. He climbed down.

We worked with him and his mother to rebuild trust, step by step. Today? He’s thriving. He works in the music industry and is doing remarkable things.

That moment wasn’t just about behavior. It was about relationship.

Rebuilding the Bond Is Worth It

You may be in a hard chapter. But this is just that—a chapter. Not the whole story.

With patience, strategy, and a willingness to listen, you can unlock what’s underneath the rebellion and guide your teen back into connection.

You’re not alone.

And it’s not too late.

Need a strategy to restore connection and rebuild trust?

👉 Download the free ebook: How to Create Family

This is your starting point for a stronger, more connected home—even during the hardest seasons.